Just how crazy do you think I am?

I finally finished reading Lady in Waiting by Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall. The book is only 175 pages so it really should not have taken me as long as it did to read it, but it was really hard to get into. 

Lady in Waiting is a devotional book, that I read back in high school, all about how women should spend their time preparing themselves for future relationships. I remembered it being beneficial back when I first read it, so I thought it would be good to give it another shot (all these many many years later).

For the most part it was torture! The writing was very patronizing and I constantly felt that the authors were assuming the worst from me. There was one entire chapter about how, as a single woman, I shouldn't waist my time moping around because I don't have a boyfriend. It had a ton of phrases that started out "instead of spending all your time crying over not being married yet, why not spend your time doing this..." "instead of spending all your time throwing pity parties and complaining about your life, why not spend your time doing this..." 

When reading it, I just kept thinking to myself "How much time do you think I spend doing those things? How crazy do you think I am? 

Do I throw the occasional pity party? 

Yes, of course, who doesn't? But it is not like I spend all of my time wallowing! If I was being completely honest with myself I would say I have fleeting moments of insecurities on a daily bases. But, like I said, they are fleeting. I probably only spend serious time wallowing every couple of months. 

In fact, according to this very blog, I haven't allowed myself a good wallow since February 27th!

So take that Debby and Jackie! I am not as severe a wallower as you think I am! And I do not make crucial life choices (like where I live, work, or attend church) based on the number of single men that would be made available to me! Seriously, that is just pathetic. 

I'm sure there are single women out there who could benefit from this book now, but I really struggled with it. 

However after all is said and done I will take away two things from this book...

1) Right now really is the time to make myself ready. 


There are a lot of things I want to change about my life, and right now, when I am single and don't have to factor another person into my decisions is the perfect time to do it. 

I have quite the pile of debt that I have been trying to tackle for years now. We aren't talking the size of Mount Everest here, more like a Pike's Peak type of pile. At this time in my life when I don't have to spread my time between a job and a husband/boyfriend/children, now is the time to take on a second job and get that debt taken care of. 

Or if I really want to move out of Oklahoma some day, now is the time to start planning that before I have to take my husband's job or my children's school into consideration.

2) I want to marry a Catholic. 

This simple statement is something that I have struggled with for a very long time. 

Every time I contemplate this requirement I have this little voice inside my head that says "What if you fall in love with some one who isn't Catholic? Are you really unwilling to even compromise?" And there is a part of me that is scared that by being unwilling to compromise, I might run the risk of being single forever. Is that really worth it to me?

Yes. It really is. Because what it comes down to is, I don't want to spend the rest of my life going to church by myself. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't understand all of the beauty and serenity that comes with my faith. It is important to me. It is important to me for my future marriage and for my future children (God forbid I actually have any!). 

I have also struggled with the decision to set this kind of a standard because the truth is that I am not that disciplined of a Catholic. I miss church like all the time and don't even get me started on what an epic fail Lent was. Sometimes I feel like I am not strong enough in my faith to attract someone who is looking for a good Catholic girl. But again, now is the time to make myself into the person I really want to be and being stronger in my faith is a huge part of that.

And on that note, I am warning you now to get ready! There is going to be a lot of Catholic talk coming at you on this blog for the next couple of weeks. 

For one thing, I have a meeting to speak to my priest Father Boyer, tomorrow at 10:30 am. You may recall that the last time I went in to visit with him, I left with the realization that I didn't love myself. So I am excited to see what he has in store for me now. I am hoping that presenting him with the medal I got for finishing the half-marathon will get him to go a little easy on me. 

Also, starting on Sunday I am going to be doing a very specific type of prayer called a novena. It lasts for nine days and the challenge to complete it means just as much to me as the challenge to complete the half-marathon did. I will be writing on my blog a lot during that time, as a way of keeping myself accountable. 

But I promise to try and make those posts still as interesting as ever!