Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Let the countdown begin...

I had dinner the other night with my two friends Shavonne and Courtney F. And it wasn't too long into that dinner before they both started pressuring me to join Match.com. They made a ton of good and valid points, but, of course, because I can be incredibly stubborn when I want to be, I kept insisting that I would "think" about joining and not commit to actually signing up. 

I do have some reservations and nerves going into the whole thing but I have decided that I am going to do it. 

Oh, God, just typing that makes me nervous. Palms are sweating, heart beat is picking up just a little bit...

While we were at dinner the girls kept asking me what my reservations were and at the time the only things I could think to mention was the surface stuff. Being nervous about what to wear, where to go, getting a profile picture, those kind of things. But since that night I have had two revelations that will better explain why I am hesitant to actually join a dating site like match.com.

1. Over the years my idea of what a first date should be have only continued to grow. I mean people talk about how virgins like to put the penis or the vagina on a pedestal, but when you are a virgin in every aspect of the dating world it is virtually impossible for every simple thing from the first date, the first kiss, the first time you hear someone say "I love you" they are all on pedestals! Basically I don't have anything in my life but pedestals!

And I think that one of the things I may have thought was that if I start compromising the way I see relationships from the very beginning then that will equate to me compromising further down the line. 

When it comes to my future husband and the relationship I think we will have, I do like to think that I am open and willing to go with the flow for most of the issues. I have never really committed to a check list of qualities because I am willing to be flexible. But there are certain aspects of the relationship that I am not willing to compromise on.

But just because I compromise on my idea of a "first date" does not mean that I will end up with some neanderthal who treats me bad but is at least a warm body. 

2. Even though people have always told me not to marry my first boyfriend and to try to play the field and have a few different experiences before settling down, I think I always did feel like part of the fantasy was that the first guy would be the guy! And I only just now realized that the place that all of that stems from, is the place inside me that only ever wanted to have to put myself out there once. 

If I married the first guy I dated, then I would only have to deal with factoring a guy into my life once. I would only have to deal with letting down my guard once. I would only have to let someone in once. And I would never ever have to live through a rejection.

But what I have to realize is that all of those experiences are a part of life. And even though they may hurt, they are still good and exciting and desirable. 


So, why did I title this post "Let the countdown begin..." ?

Well, because I just need everyone to be aware of how important this step is for me. Because let's say I join Match.com on August 1st. As long as everything goes according to plan, I could have my first date and my first kiss, before I'm 30! Which is coming up soooooo fast! 

Seriously, think about that. My first kiss...


MY FIRST KISS... is just around the corner...

4 comments:

  1. I'm smiling so big right now! Text me when you go on your first date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of you. It's sooooo scary!

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  2. I so happy for you! I can't wait to hear how it all goes for you :)

    I will tell you about my experience with match.com.

    First you should know that I am a classic self-sabotager.

    I did not have good experiences with dating in WI (mostly my fault because I seriously lack in self confidence and I would push guys away) so after being in VA for about a year I still knew only a few people, most of which were my cousin's friends, and most of them were either married or in a relationship so I gave match.com a whirl.

    It was terrifying! It took me forever to answer the questions (and they ask so many!) and then after I was all done I did nothing. I waited for a guy to contact me. When one finally did we messaged each other a couple times and then we decided to have a date. He was very nice and we got along real well. He called me to set up another date but between work and school I didn't have a lot of time so I told him I would call him back to set one up... and I didn't (as I said, self sabotage). Then I quit match.com because I was "too busy." That was almost 2.5 years ago.

    My advice for you is this.
    1. Don't be an idiot like me! Who knows where that could have gone?
    2. Be brutally honest in your profile. I did mine twice because I didn't want to be too "out there" or say anything "unpopular" but then I changed it because I want a guy to like me for me and that wasn't me.
    3. If your open to it have someone read your profile/help you fill it out. There was stuff I would have never thought to add to mine if my cousin wouldn't have pointed it out.
    4. Have fun!!

    Sorry this was so long!

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  3. I have never joined a dating site like that one, so I really have no advice on that front. But of course I'm here for general dating advice if you need it. And yes, you're going to want to keep yourself from getting hurt, but unfortunately that's a part of life. I got hurt way more times than I actually got relationships. And I dated a lot of people before I found my husband. But everyone is different--look at Mandy! She married her high school sweetheart (at least, I'm pretty sure she did) and they're still happily married! So who's to say that the first one you date won't be the one? He very well could be. But then again, he might not be, and that's okay, too.

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  4. I am so picturing you in Match.com commercials now! You are rocking your 29th year, my dear!

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