A piece to the puzzle

Earlier this week, still reeling from my meeting with Father Boyer, I decided to call in the professional help of my dear friend Tracy.


Tracy is a great person, a great friend, and since she comes along with a doctorate degree in Psychology, she is a great resource in times like these.


I came up with a theory that went back to my childhood, and I went to Tracy to try to understand how plausible my theory was. We actually discussed a lot that night, so I may have to divide all that we discussed into two or three separate posts. But for now, let us begin with one theory that we tossed around, and that was one that had to do with the temperament a baby is born with.


After having dinner with Tracy, I did go visit my parents house and I was able to ask them about the kind of baby I was. According to my parents I was a loving and affectionate child. In fact the first thing my dad said in response to the question was that I was a "hugger".


My mother agreed with my dad, but then added that I was affectionate, loving, and friendly all the way up until I was two. Apparently when I was two my mother had my older sister and I, attending a day care that was run out of a local church. My sister is two years older than me and therefore we were in separate classes. In my class there was a little boy who was a biter. I guess every daycare at some point has a kid that goes through a biting stage, but my mom says that this kid specifically sought me out for some reason. He would bite me repeatedly, to the point that I had scars on the back of my shoulder blade until I was twenty.


I remember those scars. I remember that whenever I would wear a tank top or bathing suit and my mother saw them she would get angry. Her complaints to the administrators were never dealt with satisfactorily, and after a few months she pulled my sister and I out of that particular daycare.


Anyway, according to my mother, after this incident with the boy at daycare, I was still an easy going kid, but not as affectionate as I had been prior.


So as a kid, I was bitten by a fellow classmate, and instead of fighting back, I turned inward. It is probably one of the first examples of my being faced with negativity and responding by blaming myself.


I was two.


I don't know what this means. In fact, I'm not saying that it actually means anything. As far as I am concerned,  it is one small piece to a very large extravagant puzzle. I don't blame this kid for my problems, in fact I think the whole story is kind of ridiculous. I mean, some kids suffer far worse by their own parents or family members, I was just bitten by some random kid at daycare.


But it is still a piece. And a large part of my journey this next year, is taking all these little, seemingly insignificant pieces, putting them together, and using them to understand who I am.