In need of consistency!

 So, last week I set out to take a 4 mile walk around my neighborhood. I have really weak ankles and I had these new braces I wanted to try out. *actually they weren't that new, I got them weeks ago but I've been lazy and really bad about putting off my walking training, but whatever...*

I decided that morning I was going to walk and when it came time to go, I just went. I didn't even think about doing any of my stretches or anything. It was like I just had to start moving, so I did. 

And it felt great! I walked the entire 4 miles with hardly any pain at all! It was incredible. The weather was slightly rainy and cold, but I was bundled up in a sweatshirt so I felt really good. 

The entire walk took me 1 hour and 50 minutes, which I thought was pretty good. I mean, some people can walk a mile in 15 minutes and keep up a great pace, but again, I've been really lazy lately so I'm just not that person. Also, I had my dog with me and he likes to sniff and pee on everything! 

On Sunday, my following day off, I decided to give 4 miles another shot. I got bundled up and did a few stretches, put on my braces and hit the road.

My ankle felt as if I was being stabbed before I left the parking lot of my apartment building! 

It was awful! And frustrating! And painful! And made me hysterical with anger!

Where the hell is some consistency???

I mean, maybe I'm the crazy one, but I just think that if something helps you one day, it should always help you!!!

Okay, okay, fine, maybe not "always", but at least three days later! 

If I'm able to wear a brace and feel great one day, then three days later it should still feel great! Is that really too much to ask for?

Even though I was pretty mad at my ankle when all of this was going on, the thing I kept repeating to myself was "This is what you asked for. You wanted it to hurt. You wanted this to be hard. You wanted to see what you were made of, and this pain is a part of all of that."  And the good thing is that after the first 2 miles, my ankle had pretty much warmed up and the pain eased.

The other problem I was having on Sunday vs. Thursday is that, by Sunday it was actually a lot warmer outside then it had been on Thursday. With me walking around in all my layers, I was sweating pretty quickly. And I didn't have any water or a sports drink with me, so I was becoming slightly dehydrated. 

In all, the 4 mile walk took me 2 hours and 9 minutes on Sunday. Which was almost 20 minutes more then it had on Thursday. But the time really isn't important to me. I still walked 4 miles! And I reached 15,128 steps on my pedometer!

And because my walk took so much longer, by the time I got back to my apartment I was running late to go to my parents house for Sunday dinner. I had to jump in the shower, rinse off, throw on some clothes, and get out the door. After my long walk I wasn't able to just pass out. I had to keep moving. And I did. So, that's pretty cool too!

Tomorrow I am going to shoot for 5 miles! I can only really take these long walks on my days off, so I'm hoping to do 5 miles on Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. I'll keep you posted!

Jerry Maguire is a liar?

I started out this year with only one book that I was going to look to for guidance, but now I am surrounded with books that I can't read fast enough.

Along with, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I am also reading Lady in Waiting by Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall, Praying For Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray, and Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow.

Do you see the wealth of knowledge I have in front of me! 

I'm currently reading Lady in Waiting, which is actually a devotional I did over ten years ago. I still had it in my apartment and I thought it would be perfect to go back and read through real quick. It is coming from a very religious and evangelical place, but I am going to try to keep my posts as neutral as I can. 

It is sad that in this day and age I feel that I have to be neutral, because I am a Christian woman and I have my faith, but I fear that when you start making things too evangelical people just stop listening. For example if I say something like; "I have to learn to trust in Jesus." Some people would just hear that one part and ignore everything else that i'm talking about. But if I say; "I have to learn to trust in myself." at the end of an argument. Then those people would probably rally around and support my cause. 

Anyway, that is a soapbox for a whole other time and place.

The first chapter of Lady in Waiting talks about being a "Lady of Reckless Abandonment".

In this chapter it talks about how young women in Jesus's time, used to have these alabaster boxes. In these boxes they would save oils and spices to one day be given to their husband. But there was one young women who came and broke her box at the feet of Jesus. She was so committed to following him, and so trusting of him, that she looked to him for her future happiness. Being a Lady of Reckless Abandonment means that we need to break our boxes at the feet of Jesus and look to him for completion. 

Okay, I know that may sound a little too evangelical, but stay with me.

I truly believe that we, as human beings, were not made to complete each other. 

William Butler Yeats said that "Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing."

Human beings are always growing and always changing. That is what makes these lifelong relationships so hard. People are not always growing at the same rate or changing at the same time. That would be impossible. And in that sense, we are never truly complete. All we can hope for is to be the best versions of ourselves with who we are right now.

That is why I think saying things like "You complete me." or "I can't live without you." are a lie, and I'm sorry, but they are a little unhealthy.

I want to marry a man who is strong. Who can carry me when I'm falling and pick up the slack when I'm weak. But most of the time, I am going to want to stand on my own two feet. And I want that man that is going to stand beside me. At the same time, I know that I want to carry him when he falls but I want to stand beside him. I'm going to need to know that if something ever happens to me, that he will find the strength to move on with his life and be happy. And I would like to think that I would be able to find the strength to do the same if it should ever come to that.

And if I only look to my future husband to complete me and be my strength, how much would that be draining him? As a mere human, he is not built to be my strength all of the time. And I'm not being much of a team player if I'm always looking for him to carry the heavy burdens. That is why it is so important to be able to stand on my own and find my completion and strength in my faith [or just in myself] before I even get into a serious relationship.

Because can you imagine what would happen if I went into a serious relationship as an incomplete person? God, I would become one of those girls who loses their entire personality and becomes what they think that man wants just to keep him around. Um, no thank you!

And on another note, if you believe in the theory that when two people are in love they complete each other, what does that say for all us single ladies? If I were to continue on in my life being single, never getting married and never finding love, does that mean that I have to wander the world with some big gap inside me that will never be filled? I will always be incomplete because I never found that love that would make me a whole person! HELL NO!!!

My faith completes me. My faith is my strength. Maybe other people find their completion somewhere else, and that is fine for them, I'm not here to judge. Unless they are saying they found it in another person and them, well, yes I am judging you. (just being honest) But I found mine in my faith and I will continue to find it there, no matter if a man does or does not come into my life. 

Okay, now that I am actually sitting here, writing all of this, I fear that it is too disjointed. Like my thoughts aren't really making sense or tying together. So let me end with this...

Even though Jerry Maguire may have lied to us by saying "You complete me." And Jennifer Cavalleri may have lied to us by saying "Love means never having to say you're sorry" movies are not all bad...

Melvin Udall did not lie to us when he said; "You make me want to be a better man."

I think, at the end of the day, that is all we can ask for. That our love for the people in our lives inspires them to be kinder, to be stronger, to be braver. We can't make them that way, nor should we. But to inspire them, well that is all we can ask for. 





So, really, how did I do? Was that all sketchy? That felt very sketchy to me, like I was all over the place. Did it make sense? Did you agree? Or am I crazy? Please let me know in the comments!!!