Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Power of Friendship


A few weeks ago I actually checked my mailbox (this happens only rarely, and hasn't happened since) and I had a very special postcard inside. A friend sent it to me just to say hi and to say that she couldn't wait to see what else I would right about on my 29th year blog. This was very sweet of her but of course it made me feel slightly guilty for not keeping up with this blog to the degree to which I had planned. 

I wanted to mention that because I did want to say Thank You to that friend for the very kind postcard (Thank You), but it also happens to tie in very nicely with what finally got me motivated to write today.

Sooooooo, I have this friend.

I have known this friend for exactly half my life. I wouldn't go as far as to say that we met in high school and have been inseparable best friends ever since, but I would say that we have been in each others lives since then as friends, enemies, roommates, adversaries, confidants, as supporters.

Right now I am feeling like our friendship is in the "adversaries" category because I know that she is lying to me. 

I know that she is struggling. I know that she is hurting. I know that life isn't working out for her the way she thought it should. But instead of being honest about it and taking responsibility of it, she just goes around with this smile on saying, "Oh yeah everything's fine." "I'm fine! I'm great! Life couldn't be better! Job is great! Home is great! I'm starting a new life for myself and everything is going to be great great great!" 

Okay, so, why am I calling her an adversary if she so obviously needs a friend right now? 

Because she wont let me be a friend to her right now and it is DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

There is some other stuff that is going on between us too, but that's not what I want the point of this post to be about. 

Here is my point:

Friendships are...Friendships are everything. 

I really and truly, whole heartily, believe that it is the friendship you have with people that is the most important thing! The dynamic of the friendships you have with your family members, with your partners, with your peers may all be different but it is that dynamic that is most important. 

It is the friendships that I have with my sisters that I know I need to work on. When I get married, I want to know that I am married to my best friend. 

Anyway, my friendships mean absolutely everything! And when I look around and see that I have some of the most beautiful, talented, strong, brave, courageous, amazing women as my friends it leaves me feeling honored and humbled.

And when I have to sit back and watch someone treat their friends like trash that can be tossed aside or burn bridges with that level of ease and carelessness, it makes me absolutely insane! 

It offends me. It infuriates me. It makes me write really long blog posts all about how you shouldn't treat your friends like crap!

And here is my other point:

We're not in high school anymore folks! 

And this point is a threefold point!

1) We're not in high school anymore so grow up! (this point isn't about friendship, but I'm including it because it is what I want to scream at the top of my lungs right now)

2) Making friends when we are kids is easy. When you are a kid and you go to a play ground all you have to do is start running and inevitably some other kid will start running with you trying to play tag. I have gone and sat with my friends Andrea and Christi at the play area in the mall and I have witnessed this with their kids on numerous occasions. 

Then you get into school age and you are all riding the same bus and sitting at the same lunch table and in the same classes. You see each other 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. You really don't have to put that much effort into maintaining friendships.

So when you find those amazing friendships as an adult, treasure them. Take care of them. It may not always be easy but it is a two way street and you have to work at it. 

And 3)...the best point of all...the friendships we have today are going to, by far, be deeper and more intimate then they could have ever been when we were kids. 

When you are a kid you usually see the world as what is outside your backyard or as your home town. It is hard to realize just how big the world is and how small you are in it. You are immature and therefore, to a certain level, your friendships are immature.

But now we are adults and we get to have these amazingly mature and deep friendships. 

My friend Christi and I were best friends through high school. Sure we were close then and we spent more time together, but now I get to see her as a wife and a mother. I've seen her grow into this whole person and I know our friendship has grown so far beyond how great I thought it was back then.

When I look at this other friend of mine, the one who is lying to everyone and not opening up about what she is going through and instead just telling everyone that every thing is a-okay...

As angry as she can make me, I'm really feeling sorry for her more then anything else. I see the women that are around her. These women that I feel so blessed to have in my life, and I see her being so careless with them. It angers me because I know that if she would just quit lying to them they would all turn right around and support her. 

Whenever we are going through something that is hard and difficult, our friends can't be there for us if we lie to them. No one can help you if you wont let them. And with all the weight of the world that we have to carry on us everyday...the weight of our mistakes and wrong turns...why would anyone want to add on the extra weight of having to lie to your friends about it?

I apologize if a lot of this sounded like ranting and therefore didn't make much sense. 

Overall message: Don't treat friends like crap!

The funny thing is of course, that I honestly don't think any of the people who will ultimately read this actually do treat their friends like crap, but hey I needed to get it off my chest.

And to those friends I want to say, that I hope you know I was including you in the part where I said I am honored and humbled to have you in my life.